The Art Of The Deal

Ha!

Every agent has guidelines. They vary from agent to agent, but they stay relatively the same. As I've covered before, if you are a working, touring band, it is good for you to set your own guidelines within parameters so that buyers/promoters/venue owners, and your draw, don't get compromised.

I will also add that many agents are snakes, and what you will see below are things that, while booking, should help keep your from being lumped into that crowd.

These are some that I find important, because in booking, with reach and integrity, these guidelines will let your buyer know exactly what level of business you are within the business.

These will not assist you if you are a cover band or only have a local draw.

• Never renegotiate a deal - If you have already issued a contract, and it is signed and the deposit, pay, and parameters are agreed upon, you don't go back and renegotiate the deal. It is done. No band or agent should have to go back and try to add extra rooms, better pay, etc. The deal is done once the venue, agent, and artist have agreed. If things pop up, as they tend to, you handle them, but usually it isn't the venues job to do so. IF YOU ARE AN ARTIST AND YOU ASK AN AGENT TO BOOK YOU ON SHOWS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANNOUNCED, YOU WILL NOT BE ON THE BILL. If that person was your agent, they would've tried to add you to the bill if it made sense. If the person is not your agent, they have no interest in adding you and will not jeopardize their shows to add you. Don't bother the buyers either. They have already planned on who would have those spots. It just isn't worth it.
• 60/60 - There are variances here, but mine means 60 miles for 60 days. The venue may ask for what works with them, and that is okay, but it good to have your own set of parameters. Some agents use 30/30, 90/90, etc., but be mindful how that can effect your future bookings. There are instances where this may not come into play, like when routing to festivals or the venues are willing to work together, but don't assume they will. You need to ask. It just isn't worth it.
• Communication - There is no way I can promote this enough. I have seen agents not tell artists, band representation, or venues something that very pertinent to booked dates. Be honest even if it is painful, because if you are booking for one commision, you could lose many by not being honest. If an offer is coming in below your financial threshold, let the artist know. let the buyer know as well that it may not be approved (agents NEVER approve a booking; the artist does).I have seen many bands and agents burn a buyer by not being honest, and I have seen buyers put bands in bad situations by not being honest with them. If you are a band member who books for the band, be honest with them about everything. Rule of thumb: if a band member doesn't care about the business side, remove them. They are not professional, and will end up wasting your time. It just isn't worth it.
• Never have too many cooks in the kitchen - Because you have to use so much communication, you don't need too many people trying to book over each other. As a band, you think it helps you, but actually it hurts you. Too many people trying to book the same band in one venue not only makes your outfit look disorganized, you will get less money because your agents are actually booking against each other. Anyone you have booking should be in constant contact with each other. If you were just acting like a puppet master and to coordinate every thing without letting them communicate, I will tell you from my experience that I will no longer book you. It just isn't worth it.
• Know your clients worth in a venue or area - Trying to overprice a band that doesn't have a strong draw or pull in an area will hurt all concerned. Artists want more. Buyers want to save more. Look for the compromise. If either won't bend, just simply move on. It just isn't worth it.
• Never negotiate too long - Look, some of these things can take weeks to get together. Buyers may want to think it over, the artist has certain demands, and things of that nature. If, however, you are haggling over a price with someone because they are trying to save money and you can't put your band in that level of a compromising position, move on. This isn't a swap meet. There is a reason the price is in the neighborhood it is in, and you don't have to explain it to the buyer, but the buyer has to realize this. A band wants to play, but would rather stay home than play for an amount that wouldn't even cover their expenses. Also, while you're on the phone with this person for hours upon weeks, they are keeping you from shopping elsewhere, It becomes a giant waste of time. It just isn't worth it.

Here are some things your agent can not approve in a negotiation (but can suggest to a buyer whether it would work or not):

• Hotel rooms
• Hospitality Rider
• Technical Rider
• Support Acts (This, however, is different if the bands are on tour together or not)
• Any actual VIP procedures 

This is a very short synopsis of what an agent (or a band representative who handles the booking) should look at, and I am sure I will be updating this at some point, so keep your eyes peeled.

Even if you aren't booking but have someone do it for you, know that these shows take time to make them work out right. I promise if you try to rush or push me, I will just drop it and/or you. It just isn't worth it.

Until we meet again....

Happine$$...

I took this picture a few years ago, and the image signifies to me that while I am heading to the sunset, the view is beautiful.

A while back, I went through a series of events that, had they been by themselves, would have been tragic but manageable. Together, I felt like my life was coming to a head. To say I was (and still to some extent) a little depressed is an understatement. My entire world was crashing around me and there was nowhere to turn without feeling like I jeopardized those close to me like I was the second coming of the Black Plague. The negativity I felt was tremendous, and as a recovering alcoholic, I heard my old friend calling for me to come home. The struggle was real. Little did I realize at the time, my life missed any true direction as I constantly just went with the flow and hoped for the best.

I knew at that point my friend had to wait while I looked for the positive in the situation.

The positive I found in this was at my age, I had a free pass with nothing holding me back from doing what I truly wanted. That was the catch. What did I want?

After asking myself, I realized I just wanted to be happy.

I have had people ask me what that meant. They would tell me of their dreams of a new car, better living conditions, new job, etc. Things were what would make them happy. I, myself, consider these to be secondary things, as while they are vital to the populous concept of success, they are secondary to what truly matters,

While I understand this somewhat, I can't completely grasp this concept.

I'm of the philosophy that you can have nothing and be happy or can have everything and be miserable. You can have things, but there is no guarantee of happiness with them. I understand the quality of life is higher, but there is the saying "more money, more problems", so this can be a catch-22.

To me, happiness is a state of mind. It's about being surrounded by what you care about and what cares about you. In life, stuff comes and goes: instances, possessions, and even people. Those people, however, that fit with your crazy is who should have around you. This matters to me.

I want my world to continuously have those instances; perpetual serenity, knowing that no matter how hard it can be, it will never be as hard as it has been. I don't expect it to be perfect, but that it is relatively manageable.

I don't expect to have the ability to change the world, but I do expect to be able to change my world. I want those in that world to share in my happiness, knowing that we benefit from knowing each other because there is a connection beyond the secondary things in life.

I fully expect to be happy, but I know there has been, and will be, many bumps in the road along the way, but the one thing I am certain of is I am finally headed in the right direction.

Until we meet again...

Orange Star High CD Review

Who: Orange Star High

Facebook  Instagram  Email  Twitter  Official Website YouTube

What: Self-titled 5 song EP

When: Available as of April 1st, 2017

Where: Available on iTunes & Spotify; Merchandise is available

Cast:

Wil Whaley - Lead Vocals

Justin Velte - Lead Guitar/Vocals
Brady Whaley - Guitar/Vocals
Matthew Velte - Bass/Vocals
Lael Milum - Drums/Vocals

In A Word:  Coherent

Reminds Me Of: A more commercial, punk version of Avenged Sevenfold. Think their debut CD.

The Songs:

1. Number 1 (Hot Thespian Action) - This is the single. The first thing I heard from OSH months ago, and fell in love with it. Covered in hooks, the lead off track lets you know what these guys are going for musically. Matthew's jazz inspired bass lines create the perfect back drop for Wil's vocal inflections while setting the stage for the very oriental guitar melody. The chorus is even catchier as the lyrics say what we've all felt at one time or another. With Megadeth-type transitions, the bouncy groove tells you  these guys know their styles. I can visualize this on a very big stage.
2. Coming Down - This was released as the second single, I didn't really love this as first, but the more I listened to this, the more I like it. This song would not be lost in the shuffle of mainstream radio with its melodic chorus, raging bridge, and discordant verses. This song has a very "live" feel to it that allows space for the crowd to sing along. Justin's melodic lead passages and crunchy rhythms make him the MVP of this track, as he shows he can shred, but doesn't always have to to get his point across musically.
3. Anti-Love - The track has a very punchy rhythm that opens up to a catchy chorus, Wil's rebellious delivery drives this track with his snotty, "fuck you" attitude and unbridled passion. Wil is the type of singer I like, and this number proves it, that he sounds like he can't sing, but he really can and it really sneaks up on the listener as he focuses on inflecting the attitude, but creeps vocal melody in on you when you don't expect it. Lael's drumming stands out as well. The style runs the gamut of various rhythms and he syncs up with each turn perfectly, staying within the song, and creating a foundation for the rest of the band to follow along to.
4. Tearing Your Heart Out - This is a current favorite track of mine as it is an easy track to get lost in. I hear Neil Peart in Lael's drums, and any fan of the progressive, legendary band will dig the drive of this song. Think "Power Punk Rush", with Randy Rhoads type of tone for the rhythm guitars. The harmony guitars make this song separate itself from their peers of the same genre. Again, Matthew's bass lines are all over the place, but always in the right place at the right time, and with Lael and Matthew together, drives this song to where you think at anytime it could fall apart, but never does.
5. Brighter Side - The Avenged Sevenfold influence is very obvious on this track from the very first note through the last chorus with it's hybrid of punk attitude and thrashy musical interplay. The harmonies on this track really stand out here more than the other tracks, which is no small feat in and of itself. Justin takes a true moment to shine during the very choir-like guitar solo, letting his hair down (no pun intended) to show the listener what he can do when he wants to rip your face off. The rhythms of this song also invoke images of mosh pits, dollar beers, and many stage dives. It is like the band decided this was the last track to remind you they will tickle your ears while kicking your ass.

The Production: With the exception of a guitar edit on the track "Tearing My Heart Out" and some very minor mastering issues, the production on this EP is very stellar, not just for an independent band, but for many national acts as well. Sonically, you feel every kick drum, and bass line groove, while clearly hearing EVERY guitar line while never compromising any lead or backing vocal. This production was done with a plan, and if that plan wasn't achieved, it didn't miss by much. Many bands should be so lucky to have this kind of production on ANY of their releases, let alone their very first offering.

What Needs To Happen: I don't know the inner workings of a genre like this and it's lifespan, but the music is catchy enough, I don't think it can compromise the band's potential in the market sonically. I would suggest "dumbing down" some of the upcoming tracks for the next release so the musicianship is not lost on the casual listener. As the saying goes: "Keep it simple, stupid.". It also wouldn't hurt to slow down a little bit to let the listener breathe and take everything going on in and process it. This isn't to suggest the band has too much going on, but to keep the listener engaged,and not exhausted after a few spins. The trick is to not think on your level, but to think on their level, and to not get lost going over the listener's head.

The next thing is a big deal many bands dismiss, and OSH is not exception; image. I am going to take some liberties here to point out what is wrong. Look like a band. Look like four guys who actually share a style, think the same things, and run in the same social circles. Record companies look at this type of thing and visualize what you look like on a flyer. This also is a non-musical way of letting people know where you are coming from to engage them into listening to your music. If every guy looks different, the potential listener isn't able to get a grasp before listening and will assume it is a mess. It IS your first impression.

Conclusion: I am not supposed to like this, but I'm not supposed to do many things I have done. This is not the genre I typically work in (although I listen to some often), but has enough familiarity in it that I feel very comfortable in my critique of their work. THIS IS VERY GOOD AND I SUGGEST SEEKING THIS OUT AND GIVING IT A LISTEN OR TEN. This is a very coherent EP where the songs are not only good, but make sense with each other with depth while not sounding redundant or contrived.

This is also the type of thing other bands will be jealous of. Two things: 1) shut the fuck up, and 2) get to work. These guys had a clear vision, put in the work, and got the kind of results that would make anyone proud. This is who sits at the cool kids table in the cafeteria.

Final Grade: B+ with extra credit can make it an A-. Loads of potential, and I feel this best is yet to come, and I'm ready to go along for the ride.

Until we meet again...

Orange Star High

One of the better new bands I have heard in a while:

https://www.facebook.com/OrangeStarHigh/?fref=nf

So you want to be a rock star...

Almost every musician has dreams of hitting the "big time" with their art/craft, yet so many have no clue how to accomplish this feat. I find many times, they think they know (they should be protective of their careers), but I liken it to someone who can hardly navigate their Facebook telling an IT person how to fix their computer or a person who can't change a flat tire telling a mechanic how to rebuild an engine.

Recently, I wrote this detailing some of the many common mistakes artists make on their journey down the path of mythical musical riches. 

Take a second to refresh yourself with the article.

Are you back yet? Good. Let's get one thing out of the way now.

The years of making millions of dollars in music is virtually unheard of now. Record companies don't throw out as much money as they used to at unproven acts. You won't get rich in this business, but you can make a living if you actually work hard at it. 

Here are so easy tips that many bands just seem to miss for one reason or another:

• Get an EPK (Electronic Press Kit). It should contain your logo, a song or two, a couple of choice photos, a small biography, contact information, and links to live reviews or press clippings if you have any. No one wants to read your life story except maybe your mother, or see every picture of your band puking drunk. Get used to work with press to promote your band locally and nationally. Also, be mindful that the EPK service you use doesn't bludgeon visitors about getting their app. If you can't draw locally, don't expect to draw nationally. If you don't draw, enjoy your ramen cuisine.
• Do original music. Every town has 100 cover bands who can draw, so your cover band is not really all that special. "Write is right". If you don't write, enjoy your ramen cuisine.
• Look like a band. Believe it or not, most bands don't make it past the eye test. Your band image actually tells people whether your band looks like they are on the same page or not, or if they aren't worth the time. Also, no matter your image, make sure you don't look like you just got off work from Gamestop. If you don't think image is important, don't work on it and enjoy your ramen cuisine.
• Work on your hooks. Just because you have the ability to play music does mean you have talent or can draw. Charisma helps, but your music must have hooks and be catchy within your genre. If you're afraid that may be too cheesy for you, enjoy your ramen cuisine.
• Bring your music to the people. NEVER, EVER ask people to search for your stuff when they ask you for links. I can promise you they don't care about your music as much as you do, and will get lost in the shuffle. If a promoter, agent, or club owner asks you for an EPK and a link, and you tell them to "google it", you will be enjoying your ramen cuisine.
• Use professional equipment. Many bands are actually very lost on this one. This doesn't just mean Peavey and Crate aren't good enough, but that your Line 6 amp or your drummer's exact replica of Neil Peart's 2112 drum set is too good. There is a standard backline most professional bands use, and your band should too. This not only makes it easy to switch in and out, but will actually help you get opening slots for bigger acts coming through the area without you having to sell tickets, which means greater exposure and networking. Here are some riders to help, but remember the size of the venue you are playing, so two quality Marshall half stacks, and Ampeg bass rig, and I steardy five piece drumset (one rack tom, two floor toms) is very standard. If your band doesn't have good equipment, eat your fine ramen cuisine and save up.
• Keep your party in check. If it is your show, you are the master-of-ceremonies, and you need to make sure people are having a good time, but you and your bandmates need to keep your partying in check. This, no matter how you want to look at it, is still a job, albeit not as strict, but every action is monitored by everyone around you and your band. Act like you know what you're doing and keep control, or enjoy eating your ramen cuisine.

There is so much more than these, but these are some of the very basic needs bands seem to overlook. You have to realize you will have to invest in your craft to go beyond the practice room, but I have seen bands waste hundreds and thousands of dollars on inferior results, usually due to poor direction or thinking they actually know what they are doing. 

Don't be that waste.

The video below is Billy.

Billy is a profesional musician.

Billy has his shit together.

Billy has toured with several bands.

Billy makes a sustainable living in music.

Don't be a dumbass.

Be like Billy.

Billy

Billy

Until we meet again...

It's just a pet...

I don't proclaim my journey in life is special. I don't proclaim it is better, worse, or even that much different. I proclaim it as mine, and in that, I have my own personal "weights" (as I have written about before).

Towards the end of September, an uncle, who I thought a lot of, died unexpectedly on the day his mother, my grandmother, would have been her birthday. To say it devastated our family, including his children, would be an understatement. Everyone was planning to meet up, reminisce, and proceed to the wake/funeral, while still being in shock.

He had a knack of bringing the family together one way or another.

I was living in Peoria, IL, working for local minor league team, a winter at Kroger, and booking bands where I could. I had moved there almost two years before. I gave up just about everything I had to move because, sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith. I believe belongings don't truly define who you are. Things can get lost, but experiences can last a lifetime.

The day after my uncle died, my girlfriend, whom I had been living with, decided she wanted to break up. Already in the state of mind I was in, I just couldn't deal with that at the time. As much as I wanted to go to the funeral, I was stuck five hours away. I knew had I left, I would've lost what little I had and had accumulated in those two years. I had to stay there to tie up loose ends, and to essentially make sure I wasn't getting screwed out of anything. I had started packing and planning with KR, conversing with SB, while trying to keep one eye on my things so that they wouldn't walk off, which they were doing. There was money that needed to be split, and shared possessions. Not only did I not know what I was going to keep, I had nowhere to go.

Then the hardest thing I had to deal with in recent memory happened.

About the second week of October, my cat, BB, died (I don't suspect the ex to have hurt him). He was my friend, my confidant, and my child. When I was in a worse place, he was what kept me going. People who saw me and him together knew how much we cared for each other. He was my solid base in times when things seemed to be rocky. I chose to never have children, because there are enough of them I could help without feeling the need to bring one into the world. BB was the closest thing I had ever had to that, and that is how I feel about him. He taught me more about what I was capable of than I had ever known. The last part of my world that was solid was gone.

I was a wreck. With everything else compounding, I was constantly in tears. I, in fact, still cry thinking about him. I couldn't find solace or talk to enough people to ease the pain I was going through. I had officially lost it at that point. People reached out to offer what condolences they could, and some shared stories of the loss the had with their fur babies. That didn't help me much, because I was in a self-absorbed depression. Then I would also hear the phrase "it was just a pet...".

Here is my reply to that: fuck you. If you lost a child, would it make you feel any better if I said "well, you didn't lose anything. They didn't live that long. They were just a kid."? The only real difference is that it didn't happen to you. i don't wish any harm to these people, but it would be nice if they were to experience the magnitude and insensitivity of the words they brought to me, for only so they could have the realization of the reality they act so confident in supplying.

As it was the end of October, I had what I thought at the time, was a solid plan. To make due, I was going to have to couch surf for a while until I got on my feet. I had spoken to people who offered to help, and I felt I could move forward with at least a little bit of what confidence I could muster up so that I didn't end up up "stuck".

Also, at this time, a glimmer of a positive thought came out of me. At 45 years old, I was given an opportunity to do something many did not have to do: I was able to pursue my happiness without "weights". I determined that it wouldn't make me happy where I was, but whom I was with, and that could be anywhere, and to cherish this rare opportunity. It was time for the rebuilding to commence.

I moved back to Owensboro, KY, which, in all honesty, other than family, there isn't much here for me. I feel like I am dying too fast here, but I had to do something without having very few of the things that were actually mine. In other words, I offset her bills for the winter involuntarily.

I want to say that around the first week of November, I had heard my dad was really sickly, and they were going to have to some dangerous (for him) surgeries. I always loved my dad, even if we had a hard time getting along with each other. I think at times we were just too much alike. In his mind, i was his son, and even as an adult, I often felt he saw me as the 5 year old boy that was taken from him. We shared a love for music, the Cincinnati Reds, and, at one point, beer (although I had quit drinking a few years before at this point).

I want to guess around the second week of November, he passed. My sister, her son, and myself went to Ohio to go to the funeral. I tried for the majority to stay strong, but I think it was obvious to anyone around me, I wasn't. Everything in my life felt tenuous, and still does to this day. It comes with the freedom I mentioned earlier.

Plans to couch surf had fallen through. I had no chances to get on my feet again that would've been fruitful for any amount of time. It feels like I am waiting for my turn to die.

It has always been extremely hard for me to open up. I feel I have real strong abandonment issues, which leads me to not trust people often or easily because I don't how long they will stay in my life. Slowly and surely, I know this is something I have to get out of. I don't go into the past much because of the negativity it brings, which, for me, is the same with opening up. I recall times where I did it before, only to get hurt and/or have it used against me. I had to choose better.

I am still fighting, but I am trying to grasp what and whom will come with me, which is extremely tough for me to do at this time.

This is my journey.

To be continued...

Until we meet again...

I'm just going to leave this here...

*MANTRA*

You're not getting booked...

I book bands professionally for shows and events on a national level. I help established artists get from town to town to play for their fans in all parts of the United States, whether it for a tour or for a "one-shot". Many times I have "not quite national" bands wanting help, so if I like them, I try to help where I can. I see many mistakes, and some are unavoidable, but there are some that make me scratch my head and wonder why are they even trying to go farther. In no particular order, I will post some things if you are in a smaller or local band you just don't do:

• Never try to convince the booking agent you know what you're doing. If you did, you wouldn't need the agent to begin with. Why would you go to a mechanic to get your car fixed if you can do it yourself? Get your head out of your ass.
• If an agent books you on a show, you represent him and the relationships he has built. Act professional or stay an amateur. Get your head out of your ass.
• If you book behind the agent's back to cut him out, know that he will find out. You can then say goodbye to him booking you anywhere else again. This is his booking and he likes to eat too. Get your head out of your ass.
• If you are essentially a local band, you don't have fans, you have friends. They may like your music, but they also may have known you personally for quite some time.. If you think your agent is a fan, he may like the music, but this is a business for him. Get your head out of your ass.
• Be careful where you get your music business advice from. Your local radio station person is not in the music business, but in the radio business. They make money broadcasting music, but they don't get to pick what they like to play on the air. If they did, why wouldn't they play your music? Get your head out of your ass.
• Don't confuse the music business with playing music. They are two different entities. Your agent or manager want you to play music other people like (as well as venue promoters and owners), while you want to naturally play what you like. If you can't tell the difference, get your head out of your ass.
• If you are in a cover band, and you play mostly other people's music, you are not going to branch out much more than locally, and you will eventually kill that town too, if you play every weekend. Cover bands don't go very far on a national level because EVERY town has 10 of them cheaper with a following than the absolutely no one you will bring to a show. Get your head out of your ass.
• If you are an original act without a record deal, take any show you can for exposure, and if you have an agent, you will be getting paid. If you are worried about the venue you are playing at because it isn't up to your lofty standards, stay in your garage or basement and complain about not going on tour with <insert national band here>. Pay your dues, get seen, and get your head out of your ass. 
• It is your agent's job to book you, not promote you. The venue may do some promotion, but they generally save that for national acts. Use social media, but don't rely on it. Promote or don't play in that town again. Get your head out of your ass.
• If you have anyone else who you let book you, don't bother an agent with asking him to help you. The venue wants the cheapest price possible, while the agent has a good idea of what the band actually needs to coordinate a show. If the agent is getting cut out of bookings, he is gone. Just save us all the hassle and book yourself. While you're at it, get your head out of your ass.
• If you live within four hours of a venue, and you aren't a national act, then you will be home that night. Promote the show, and don't ask for a hotel room from the venue. That is still considered local. Get your head out of your ass.
• Keep any rider you may have professional looking and within reason, as well as any dinner demands. If you agree to do a show without a rider, don't spring it on the promoter right before the show. You already have an agreement. Get your head out of your ass.
• I don't care if you are national or local band, a venue, a promoter, a band manager, a bar owner, a booking agent, or a musician, NEVER TRY TO RENEGOTIATE PAY AFTER THE AGREEMENT HAS BEEN REACHED. It creates a very hostile environment. get your head out of your ass.
• Network. Network. Network. Get to know everyone. The person you step on on your way up the ladder will be there to meet you on your way down. Get your head out of your ass.
• Never... NEVER post a video of your band where there is very little crowd. A promoter is not a music producer. They don't care if you are "killing it" on a song, but what your draw looks like. No one wants to book you based on your band rehearsals. Protect your brand. Get your head out of your ass.
• Dear cover band, an agent will have many bands he works with that makes more money for him than your band does, and even if they don't, don't ask him to work exclusively for you. Get your head out of your ass.
• While I can appreciate your dedication to your "art", this is a business. If you are worried how your art will be interpreted, don't ask a booking agent to help you get booked. This is a transaction, not a glee club meeting. Get your head out of your ass.

There are many more, so I am sure I will update this list as I remember them, but the one thing you have to focus on is to get your head out of your ass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfTvjv3zhXs

Until we meet again...

I C U

I have always been able to read people. I listen to what they have to say and how they say it and determine their motives even if they don't know what their motivations are themselves. Most people don't know because they can not look at themselves from the outside looking in, which can be painful on many levels. In psychology, they talk about the ego, superego, and the id, and by all accounts it is essentially the same. Also with this ability, I have to practice great restraint in making sure I don't use this knowledge to my benefit in one way or another.

For this ability to work, often I have to see a situation without prejudice to my being within the situation and be honest with myself as to what actually happens. The pain this can cause is great because, while many people care about you, their main instinct is to only care about themselves. Many times they don't even know they're doing it, because to analyze it, as I stated before, can be immensely painful.

When I care for someone, my natural instinct is to read, study, and comprehend them. I study the world around them, like who influences them, what upsets them, what makes them tick, etc. They become my world; not obsessively, but because of my self-preservation (this has helped me avoid some bad situations) and I grow to care about them and decide if they truly are going to be in my life for the long haul or if they are fleeting.

The problem, however, is it never gets turned off and it never gets dormant. Most people call this "instincts" or "gut feeling", but I would guess mine is a bit different in that I view the entire landscape around the situation and, knowing the situation, can deduce what is actually happening almost to the exact time it is happening. I have been right about these kinds of things more often than I would ever want to, because of the anguish it can personally cause me. I have to play dumb more often than not to give myself the confidence to allow whatever circumstance that is happening to play out where I hope the person's morals, ethics, or accountability play out in the right way. I give them the benefit of the doubt.

So as this ability never gets turned off, I can tell when something is not right. In time, I am not reading as much as I am in the benefit of knowing, and even the slightest difference in the person's actions are glaring to me. I can smell the bullshit from miles away, and I usually know where it comes from, what the motivations are behind it, whether it be a person, event, circumstance, something else, or a combination of it all. This is where trusting anyone becomes a real chore. My gut reaction in this is to want to lash out and set the whole thing straight, but instead, I retract. I hide, because I have to hope for the other person to see this whole thing for themselves. Their life is their journey, and they will take the path that they see fit to take, even if they allow a person to manipulate them into a situation that is painful for you.

If you're wondering how I haven't been thrown in jail by now from reacting to all the dumb shit I have seen with this, it's because I don't want to go to jail.

People trust many things that have influence over them, whether it be a job, a family member, significant other, pet, friend,dependencies, or any numerous other possibilities. I call these "The Weight List". Each thing in everyone's life has priority, or "weight" to it. The more the priority, the more "weight" it has in your life. These weights can shift an entire situation to its benefit easily. I find, however, many people don't have their "weight" in proper order, which creates a level of chaos in their lives they feel they can't get out of, usually because by the time a shift happens, it can be like quicksand, mudslide, or an avalanche. It swallows them up and consumes them, sometimes before they know what hit them.

My point for writing this is all of this has played out in my mind the last few months. In September and October, I lost what seemed to be everything I held dear in my life... some of"my weights". The depression was, and still is at times, extremely severe (I actually am ashamed of living many times. Not suicidal, but I just don't think I should be here anymore). This set me back, along with plans to reshape kept falling through, I lost much of my motivation. My question for just about anything was an emphatic "what the fuck for?", verbally or consciously. Then I met someone.

The issue with finding someone is the weight shift. Luckily, I had very little to shift personally, but I also had to tread lightly as I knew I would have to be there when their weight would shift. In a relationship, this is towards the end of the "honeymoon stage" when you realize this person is a big part of your life and changes have happened and need to be, justifiably or unjustifiably, accounted for. Whether we realize it or not, we all go through this assessment.

What I noticed with this person was that weight was not being shifted, but was just being added. When a person does that, they have to start plotting to try to balance it all out before it consumes them. What many never see is that you can't go back to the way it was before because you've grown since then in one form or another.

Then an old friend moved back (more weight), which reminded this person (quite verbally) of the past. I told the person I was seeing the motives of their friend because it was real easy to see. A person who is greedy or self-serving stands out real quick, even from a distance, and the manipulation is like an onslaught to unsuspecting prey who just want to be with their friend. My words were dismissed easily, and I seen where my "weight" was as they were not even considered.

Side note: do you really want to know why when guys get into a serious relationship, they stop hanging out with their buddies? It is because the weight shifted, and they know that for a relationship to work, it can only be with two people. It's is just a part of their predator nature. When a woman gets into a relationship, she has to get everyone involved. I really think most women are conditioned to desire validation from the time they are infants.

So the friend manipulation is almost complete. I'm sitting back watching this entire scenario play out not saying a word (because I know how my word is weighted) and I see the person I was in a relationship with is going out from time to time with her ex that she dated before when her friend lived here before, but yet I am the one who is supposedly doing the manipulation. The cards are playing out exactly as I said, yet I am in the wrong? I need an answer for that one.

Many times, when the weight is being shifted, there can be lies or omissions of the truth (which is essentially a lie you didn't want to tell). I have been  receiving these frequently, which leads me to these questions: if a person supposedly still cares for me as much as they do, why is it easier to lie to me than be honest with their friend? Why does the friend have absolutely any weight in a relationship that is not their own? How does this person who was in a relationship with me and knows I read them better than they can read themselves think I can't read all of this?

Your biggest failure will be your estimation that I am stupid. That's when you expose your weaknesses.

I'm not sure how this will play out yet (but I have a good idea), as I see the little games are still going on, but I know the only way to be able to combat this effectively is to stay honest with myself, bide my time, and ask the right questions if I even want to consider going down this path. I truly think fate brought us together, then people got in the way.

Until we meet again...

Before I write anything and there are comments, read this, because it will be most likely used against you:

https://literarydevices.net/fallacy/

I welcome comments.

I don't welcome stupidity.