Happine$$...

I took this picture a few years ago, and the image signifies to me that while I am heading to the sunset, the view is beautiful.

A while back, I went through a series of events that, had they been by themselves, would have been tragic but manageable. Together, I felt like my life was coming to a head. To say I was (and still to some extent) a little depressed is an understatement. My entire world was crashing around me and there was nowhere to turn without feeling like I jeopardized those close to me like I was the second coming of the Black Plague. The negativity I felt was tremendous, and as a recovering alcoholic, I heard my old friend calling for me to come home. The struggle was real. Little did I realize at the time, my life missed any true direction as I constantly just went with the flow and hoped for the best.

I knew at that point my friend had to wait while I looked for the positive in the situation.

The positive I found in this was at my age, I had a free pass with nothing holding me back from doing what I truly wanted. That was the catch. What did I want?

After asking myself, I realized I just wanted to be happy.

I have had people ask me what that meant. They would tell me of their dreams of a new car, better living conditions, new job, etc. Things were what would make them happy. I, myself, consider these to be secondary things, as while they are vital to the populous concept of success, they are secondary to what truly matters,

While I understand this somewhat, I can't completely grasp this concept.

I'm of the philosophy that you can have nothing and be happy or can have everything and be miserable. You can have things, but there is no guarantee of happiness with them. I understand the quality of life is higher, but there is the saying "more money, more problems", so this can be a catch-22.

To me, happiness is a state of mind. It's about being surrounded by what you care about and what cares about you. In life, stuff comes and goes: instances, possessions, and even people. Those people, however, that fit with your crazy is who should have around you. This matters to me.

I want my world to continuously have those instances; perpetual serenity, knowing that no matter how hard it can be, it will never be as hard as it has been. I don't expect it to be perfect, but that it is relatively manageable.

I don't expect to have the ability to change the world, but I do expect to be able to change my world. I want those in that world to share in my happiness, knowing that we benefit from knowing each other because there is a connection beyond the secondary things in life.

I fully expect to be happy, but I know there has been, and will be, many bumps in the road along the way, but the one thing I am certain of is I am finally headed in the right direction.

Until we meet again...